When you know better, Do better.

     For women that grew up in unfavorable circumstances (e.g., poverty, victim of rape or molestation, sold into prostitution, death of a parent, divorce, etc.), it is extremely challenging to get past those issues even during the years of child rearing.  Bitterness is a common root of the heart when trying to heal from these issues and it has the ability to block love from being demonstrated to your child.  With that being said, we as women have a responsibility to our children.  That responsibility is allowing yourself to overcome your fears, deep rooted issues, or past failures to better assist your kids in learning how to live this life as great citizens in this earth.  That includes all issues whether past, present, or future.  Our children need to see a cyclical movement of mistakes which breaks us down, learning from mistakes which builds us up, and overcoming and becoming a better you....which makes us triumphant. They need to see this over and over again. Once God is finished with dealing with one issue, there's always something else for us to make progress in.....welcome to human nature.
     I am appalled at mothers who kill their children, allow them to be molested or raped by their boyfriends, neglect or abuse them, or abandon them because I have a different viewpoint as to why these circumstances shouldn't prevent a mother from caring for her child. I am wondering what is going through their heads?  What brought you to this conclusion?  Why do you feel your child(ren) deserves your absolute worst? I am shocked when I see a mother dressed to impress and her child dressed like monkeys in the wild. I am even more disgusted when mother's allow their children to run around with green snot hanging from their noses and they are patted down with Mac makeup.  Last example (before i get on the roll), when the mother has on fresh panties and the baby has on a 3 hour loaded piss diaper. Ok. Last one for real, taking your child's life. Come now....Really!?
    On the contrary, I have learned that you only know what you know.  If you haven't been exposed to an environment that exemplifies unconditional love, then how will you know to give it?  Sometimes someone has to show you what you're missing before you can demonstrate it.  For example, if you're not an affectionate mother to your child and someone gives you a hug when you're at your lowest, you begin to realize that it's what  you needed all along and then you will want your children to feel loved in that manner as well. As a result, you begin to take baby steps in learning how to let this become manifest in your actions. I feel you are only held accountable for what  you know; however, when you know better, do better. My mother had many reasons to give up on me because of my sickly nature as a baby born with gastroschisis along with being a single mother who had to struggle to make ends meet with a Master's Degree.  She told me she didn't want children, but I changed her life.  She had no problem giving me the raw truth.  For that, I am grateful because she saw the truth in herself and wanted to do better and become better so that I could excel past her.  "I want you to be better than me."  That's the speech of a mother who faces her issues and decides to want more for herself because her child is watching.
      So for the mothers who allow ignorance to grip wisdom and good knowledge like a shark biting into flesh after you know better, I hope you all know that you can be someone  (the real you), so that you can love your kids without question in your minds and theirs.  Tell your children the truth about life and about your shortcomings (when appropriate). If you're seeking to change, be patient with yourself and know that change comes one step at a time with forgiveness and determination to make it right.  If you're simply not willing to change for the sake of your children, I pray you come to realize that you are a great parent and a great mother and you do have the ability, with God's help, to become a better you.