When will you make yourself a priority? When will you take charge of the life you desire? Are you willing to let go of of the negativity and the hindrances that weigh you down? When will you put your best self forward? These are questions that tumble through my mind on occasion when I'm not feeling like I'm doing all I can do. It's when I'm feeling stagnant and full of doubt as my capabilities to be a positive and effective parent but a person in general.
I've always struggled with my self-esteem and my weight, which is part of the reason that I don't care much for heading to the gym or participating in class exercises. I was at home working out to an exercise DVD when the instructor asked the question, "Who deserves the very best of you more than you do?" She paused to allow the question to sink in and then answered, "NO ONE!!!" It was something about that question and answer that set kindling to a spark and that spark is slowly becoming a flame. It resounded in my sub-consciousness to the point that it constantly repeated itself day in and day out, and realization finally hit me like a solid punch to the gut. For so long, I've let people dictate my level of worth. I've fallen victim to my circumstances and turmoil. I've allowed issues to become the excuses of why I can't do better and keep me awake at night. I've let stagnation get the best of me and drag me through moments of doubts and worthlessness. All of these things I've allowed to be beat me down and I've willingly waved the white flag in defeat. What was once a brightly burning star has slowly diminished to a sporadic twinkle.
When can you expose the depths of who you am ? How can you expect someone to value the whole you, when the unfiltered and completer version of you has yet to be revealed? I've only allowed parts of me to be exposed and I haven't truly revealed my full potential. I have to stop pressuring myself, limiting myself and allowing anyone other than me to define who I truly am. I am worthy and qualified on so many levels but no one will never know until I tap into my gifts and talents. Most days I live like I have no purpose, I live like I won't be forgiven, I live like I won't forgive, there are days when I'm wallowing in my desperation, pity, anger, depression, unworthiness, and sickness. I can't expose the real me until I drop the facade of neutrality and nonchalance and an "I'm fine." When in all actuality, I would like nothing more than to shout to the world, "Here I am, a force to be reckoned with." There are things in my distant and immediate past that hasn't released me and quite truthfully I haven't willingly let them go. I cannot continue to let my trials and tribulations continue to dictate and mold me. I cannot continue to allow societal standards to sway my self-worth. But here's the thing, when those days arise and I feel as if I'm overwhelmed and defeated I look inside to find the glimmer of light that's brightest above all brightness, the light that gives hope, the light that negates all of the negative, the light that fills me with peace beyond understanding, the light that fills me with purpose, the light that encompasses all, but most importantly that light will guide my life to being the best version of me.
When will you ask yourself, "Who deserves the best version of you more than you do?" For me, the answer will come when I can honestly say from the depths of my being "NO ONE!!!"
I've always struggled with my self-esteem and my weight, which is part of the reason that I don't care much for heading to the gym or participating in class exercises. I was at home working out to an exercise DVD when the instructor asked the question, "Who deserves the very best of you more than you do?" She paused to allow the question to sink in and then answered, "NO ONE!!!" It was something about that question and answer that set kindling to a spark and that spark is slowly becoming a flame. It resounded in my sub-consciousness to the point that it constantly repeated itself day in and day out, and realization finally hit me like a solid punch to the gut. For so long, I've let people dictate my level of worth. I've fallen victim to my circumstances and turmoil. I've allowed issues to become the excuses of why I can't do better and keep me awake at night. I've let stagnation get the best of me and drag me through moments of doubts and worthlessness. All of these things I've allowed to be beat me down and I've willingly waved the white flag in defeat. What was once a brightly burning star has slowly diminished to a sporadic twinkle.
When can you expose the depths of who you am ? How can you expect someone to value the whole you, when the unfiltered and completer version of you has yet to be revealed? I've only allowed parts of me to be exposed and I haven't truly revealed my full potential. I have to stop pressuring myself, limiting myself and allowing anyone other than me to define who I truly am. I am worthy and qualified on so many levels but no one will never know until I tap into my gifts and talents. Most days I live like I have no purpose, I live like I won't be forgiven, I live like I won't forgive, there are days when I'm wallowing in my desperation, pity, anger, depression, unworthiness, and sickness. I can't expose the real me until I drop the facade of neutrality and nonchalance and an "I'm fine." When in all actuality, I would like nothing more than to shout to the world, "Here I am, a force to be reckoned with." There are things in my distant and immediate past that hasn't released me and quite truthfully I haven't willingly let them go. I cannot continue to let my trials and tribulations continue to dictate and mold me. I cannot continue to allow societal standards to sway my self-worth. But here's the thing, when those days arise and I feel as if I'm overwhelmed and defeated I look inside to find the glimmer of light that's brightest above all brightness, the light that gives hope, the light that negates all of the negative, the light that fills me with peace beyond understanding, the light that fills me with purpose, the light that encompasses all, but most importantly that light will guide my life to being the best version of me.
When will you ask yourself, "Who deserves the best version of you more than you do?" For me, the answer will come when I can honestly say from the depths of my being "NO ONE!!!"
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