The invisible parent

We all know the positive effects of living in a two parent household.  We also know the effects of children being raised in a single parent home but I want to draw attention to the two parent household where one parent is visible and the other chooses to be invisible. This set of circumstances causes children to withdraw developing anger problems leading to frustration, a sense of low self esteem, and a need to prove to everyone they care for that they have purpose.

Every problem and issue that we have as adults stems from our childhood.  How we cope with these issues depends on how we approach our future.  As a child raised in a single parent household, I could say the two parent household where only one parent is active on all levels of parenthood is somewhat similar to the single parent household which can have the same results.  I truly admire both forms of the single parent because their children has someone to pour back into them.

If you are a married single parent, whether separated, cohabitating, or whatever, how do you help your children to overcome the negatives with the parent that chooses be invisible.  At a certain age, their minds are made up about you and the other parent and they will definitely voice their concerns whether it's verbal or nonverbal.  How do you as the most active parent deal with the significant other or spouse that chooses to be invisible? What words of wisdom do you give your children about your spouse who is present but not present?

Here is one word of advice I learned from a movie....which one I can't recall...lol but the mother told someone that she has never spoken negative of her children's father to them regardless of how she felt.  I agree with this. Now don't get it twisted.  I think your children should know the absolute truth about their other parent and let them form their own opinion because eventually they will see for themselves if the information told is proven to be true.

I learned from experience that the active parent can cause you to view your inactive parent in a different light that isn't exactly true.  That parent can be so bitter that they want their children to feel what they are feeling and I don't think that's fair.  Anyway, after meeting my father at a young age I forgave him before I met him, even though I didn't have the whole story. I gave myself the opportunity to know him for myself and didn't allow my mother's negative comments about him to warped my view of him without him showing me who he really was.

Another way to help your children cope is to allow them to have their feelings about the other parent without pressuring them to talk to them.  Children are people with real feelings and need healing just as any adult. Time heals.  Allow them to approach the other parent in their own time.

As the lion says in the food lion commercial, "That's just my two cents." LOL.  If you have any other words of wisdom for children living with an invisible parent, feel free to post or comment! Take care!